Fighting
to Win
Continued
by Lisa Aichlmayr
photos by Allison Waltz
With the football season in high gear, she says her husband's demanding schedule presented more stress.
"It's the absolute busiest time of year for him, where he's been running in all different directions. Now I added another direction," Melody Pees says.
Just as she thought the suddenness of her cancer was also a good thing, Dean Pees says his schedule helped him in a way.
"The negative and good thing about football is it's so time-consuming," he says, pointing out it prevented him from dwelling on the situation, even though he always thinks about his wife.
When she was in the hospital, she says the exhaustion was clear on his face as he stayed through her surgery, then came to visit her during the week.
"He also was torn between knowing what he had to be doing and what he was doing," she says. She adds she told him it was OK to go home when he came to the hospital late at night, eyes bloodshot from exhaustion after long days of practice.
"Football is in his blood," she says. "It's what he has to do." She adds every year holds the same stressful schedules.
Dean Pees says that he often feels pulled in different directions.
"Sometimes I feel guilty I'm not home more," he says. "Sometimes I feel guiilty going to practice, but it wouldn't be any good to be at home except to be comforting. But that's not usual for me to be at home, so she wouldn't be comfortable."
She remembers the day she came back after her first radiation treatment, where they got her prepared for the regimen.
"I knew he was anxious to know what happened, but I tried to keep it light. But he was staring out the window," Melody Pees says. "I asked him what he was thinking, and he said that for the first time in his life he wished he wasn't a football coach because he wanted to be there for me."
She says her children have also seen the depth and seriousness of her cancer.
"They try to put on a 'no big deal' shield when we talk," Melody Pees says. "They are very doting but in a subtle kind of way. They don't want me to feel like they're afraid, but they're a little worried."
"The Big C," as Melody Pees once called it, does not go away in a day, and its effects on her family are not short-lived.
Dean Pees hopes his players may learn something from him and his wife.
"As important as football is to me and the players, it's not the top priority in life," he says. "They know how serious I take my job, so when I say this is more important, they may learn something, too."
For Melody Pees, sharing her experiences and talking about it with others is a common denominator for healing.
"At first I wanted it to be personal," she says. "I didn't want anyone to know. But then I wanted people to know, to have players hug me and see people I didn't know saying they saw my name in the church bulletin. Each time, I thrive on the hugs, and I think that's been a part of my healing."
She adds that people often assume others are too busy to care about someone's feelings or life, but the support she has found has changed her mind.
"I was amazed at how people responded," she says.
In a broader sense, Melody Pees believes she and her family came to Kent for more than a mission to build a football team.
"I think God knew I would need this place to get through this part of my life," she says, pointing out the hospital, her doctors, the players and other people at Kent State.
"People say it alters the way you look at life, and it does," she says.
"I love my life."