Shannon, who grew up in Minneapolis, said she realized her mom was gay when she was 5.During college, Patricia said she called herself bisexual and got married because she was in love with her husband, who knew of her bisexuality but never made an issue of it.

The two eventually split, and Patricia started dating women years later when she met Candace at a coffee shop.

Patricia came out back in the early ’80s and audaciously raised a child and maintained a relationship with a woman at a time when homosexuality was less accepted, psychological studies deemed gays and lesbians unfit for parenthood and fewer were open and out about their sexuality.

Like Judy, Patricia was more concerned about being a single parent than being a gay one.

“It was difficult trying to manage and attend classes and work and raise a child,” she said. “Money was always tight.”

Of course, Patricia said she was concerned with how others would treat her daughter. She worried parents would say, “Hey, you can’t go over there and play with that girl because of her mother.”

Patricia said she never told Shannon she was a lesbian.

“It wasn’t something like a coming out process to her,” she said. “She grew up in a household, and this is how it was.

“It wasn’t one moment sitting down and saying: ‘Hey, I’m a lesbian.’ There was never a discussion or a speech.”

Her family, who was very accepting of her sexuality, was not concerned about Patricia’s ability to raise Shannon.

“I think everybody went through it differently,” she said. “I think my mother’s concern was, would I be happy?”

Patricia said Shannon noticed a difference because she would talk about having two moms. In the second grade, someone told Shannon she couldn’t have two moms, and Shannon said, “Yes, I do.” “We warned Shannon this is something you need to feel safe in talking about,” she said. “There are people who are mean.”

Candace said she didn’t want to push herself on Shannon’s friends. “I think certain kids figured out,” she said. “Pat and I aren’t ones for advertising. They’d come over after school and sleepovers. And really for the most part, none of them ever had any kind of negative reaction or any kind of bias, like: ‘Ew! That’s gross!’ Most of them were like: ‘OK, she’s just there. She’s just another one of the moms.’”

Sometimes Shannon referred to Candace as her “stepmom,” and none of her friends ever questioned it. Sometimes she’d refer to her as her mother’s “friend from college.” It just depended.

When she had sleepovers, sometimes she would make it seem like her mother’s girlfriend slept in the living room regularly.

As time moved on, Shannon said she became more comfortable telling friends. She later only dated guys who were accepting of her parents.

Candace said she had concerns of her own before becoming a parent.

“Sure, I was nervous,” she said. “I had to think about if I wanted to do this and how I wanted to do this. Did I want to take a full parental role or stepparent role early on?

“I thought if I was going to do this, it was better for Shannon if I was going to be a full parent,” she said. “I know that I can’t do it part way.”

“I didn’t like her at first,” Shannon said. “I’d say, ‘You’re not my mom. You’re not telling me what to do.’”

Candace said she didn’t try to serve as the father figure to Shannon.

“That’s where uncles and friends come in,” she said. “You’re gonna get your male influence from other people.”

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