Many young women entering their 20s may fear the responsibility of sudden adulthood — ranging from what to do with those back issues of Seventeen magazine to finding a job in a lousy market.

Kanga, an Asian Indian, fears her uncle’s looming list.

“I’m technically the next girl on my dad’s side of my family to get married. So he’s already making up a list,” says Kanga, a Kent State nursing major whose family still follows the tradition of arranged marriage.

Not only is Kanga unable to muster the desire to marry someone she doesn’t know — she’s already in love, and she has been for almost two years. The problem is, she loves a white man her mom and dad don’t know exists. For this reason, a nickname is used instead of her real name in this story.

Kanga balances love for her boyfriend, Kenny Pritt, a Kent State nursing major, with love for her parents, even though they are adamantly against cross-cultural relationships.

“My family is very important to me, and [Kenny] knows that,” Kanga says. “The last thing he wants to do is tear me away. But this is something you can’t just stop. When you love somebody, you can’t just stop loving them.

“I know if my parents just put everything aside and got to know him, they would absolutely adore him and see how much he really does care for me. It doesn’t matter that he’s Caucasian. It doesn’t matter that he’s Christian. If we can put those differences aside and live our lives, then why can’t they?”

Engaging in intimate, cross-cultural friendships goes back to biblical times — for example, Moses married someone from another tribe, psychology professor Stevan Hobfoll says.

Hobfoll also notes that it is usually more of a problem for the parents than the participants.
“Children, especially when you get second and third generations, they see themselves as Americans,” Hobfoll says.

Sara Lee, assistant professor of sociology, studies second generation immigrants. She, too, finds that parents can be a strong force in the equation.

“They say, ‘Well, my parents would probably disapprove very strongly, so I’m not even going to go there. I don’t have a problem with it per se, but society makes it too difficult for us.’ And I’m sure there’s some truth to that,” Lee says. “But it could be a nice way of saying, ‘It’s too much trouble. I don’t need to cross those boundaries, so I just won’t.’”

However, there are some who do feel the need to test larger dating pools, no matter the consequences. Shari, a Northeastern Ohio Universities College of Medicine student, and her boyfriend, who asked not to be included in this story, have also found happiness despite cultural roadblocks. For Kanga and Shari, both of Indian decent, expulsion from the family scrapbooks is not out of the question if these unions are exposed.

“I have to completely hide my relationship from my family,” Shari, who also spoke under anonymity, says. “It is very difficult to do since he is such an important part of my life.”